Updated: May 23, 2019
Welcome to the exciting world of comparison. Comparison is the act of examining the similarities and differences between something or someone. In some cases, comparison can be beneficial. For example, the person you were yesterday versus the person you are today. But in my example, comparison is a killer. Comparison can be the thief of joy. Especially in regards, to the road to success. In my story, breaking away from comparison played a part in finally embracing and finding my identity.
Everyone has a back story, to how they are and what they’ve become. Listen, don’t be shy, we all have a little disfunction to us. My story started with my identity crisis, breaking away from being “Lisa & Myra”. My younger sister and I are 15 months apart. In the spirit of fairness everything we had was the same and/or shared. We had the same outfits, shared birthday's /holiday gifts, and we couldn’t go anywhere without the other being invited. I even shared her friends up until high school. Then us growing up, I finally started noticing the difference between us.
It’s like those small differences made such a huge impact. People compared our personalities, bodies, grades, relationships, and interests. Especially the boys. I guess the big question was, “How can two people that were presented with the same opportunities end up so different?” Well the answer is simple, it’s because we are different. And those differences make us who we are individually. But what I realized is when family members and mutual friends compared us it killed our influence and It killed how they viewed us, because we’re being measured by each other. Comparison kills your influence because it takes away your uniqueness, causing you to try and be the same.
Comparison is so prevalent in our society, especially with social media. The likes, Instagram models, relationships goals, travel lifestyles, and the sense of happiness. It seems like everyone has the same goals in life, be happy, and make money right? But these comparisons not only breed our insecurities but feed them as well. So in the college experience comparison is the success story.
The stress of picking the right major, dorm, university, course, internships, job or even spouse.
You have to get a degree, from a noteable college, to secure that job in your field. All of this within four years while finding the perfect mate to marry afterward. Trust me, I’ve seen plenty of classmates that changed their major or even university in hopes to fulfill these expectations.
With the experience of not meeting these expectations, I’ve began to compare myself heavily. I was so miserable being an undergrad after 25... married... and a mother. Especially watching former high school classmates graduate before me. Like I said before comparison steals our joy. Instead of looking at the beautiful journey I was in, I saw it more as flawed. I felt ashamed. I hid my intellectual ideas away from my studies. I almost wanted to give up simply because I didn’t feel like I would graduate on time or at all. I lost myself in trying to be the same, and have everyone‘s college experience.
Sometimes we compare ourselves. And sometimes we are comparing others. It’s okay to be different. It’s okay that other people are different. Nothing is the same, and we need to embrace differences between ourselves and other people. Not every success story is the same. There’s some hardships, hand ups, greatness, and failures.
So whether you’re in school, starting a business, starting a family or all the above. Comparisons kills. It kills influence. It steals our joy. It takes away uniqueness from being different. So we can’t compare ourselves nor compare other people. Looking at others stories blinds us to what’s in front of us. Appreciate your story. Appreciate others stories as well. Be different, be you. You can’t be like everyone else, nor can anyone be like you.
For an example, I took a personal break from social media accounts, just so I can be “unfiltered”. I wanted to create that normalcy of just being myself without 600 followers or friends in my personal life or watching me. If you find yourself struggling with self worth and comparison, maybe it’s time to unfollow, unfriend, unsubscribe, and unfilter. Don’t feed into insecurities. It starts with being grateful for what we have and who we are. We have to escape comparison. Because differences is what makes us who we are. If you want to be successful, you have to stop comparing yourself. Do you, boo boo.